“The moment you accept responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you gain the power to change anything in your life.”
Hi Motivation Seekers, how are you? Hope you’ve all had a good week and you managed to practise some “letting go”, if you did I know it will have made a big difference for you.
I was doing an online Tony Robbins course during the week which was pretty motivational for me. Yes, even coaches need to be coached! Something he said really resonated with me. He said that our unhappiness comes from life not turning out as we had expected. We all have a personal blueprint of how we think it should be, and if it isn’t lining up as we think it should we get into blaming. There are 3 major ways we do this blaming:
- We may blame an event. That event then becomes the big story that we can’t get past. It may be something traumatic that has happened to us, and we all have those things in our lives, but it’s how we react to this that is going to make a difference to how we manage and how we feel about our lives. I always think of a friend from years ago who had an incredibly difficult childhood. He was a lot older than me and had been brought up in pretty tough times. He was fostered out to different families throughout his childhood. He was never loved or cherished and in fact was treated as a servant in those foster homes. Yet, he was the most loving, kind, big hearted man that you could ever know. He called strangers brother or sister, he opened his heart to everyone. How had he managed to rise above that terrible past and those memories? He did that by taking responsibility for himself and for how he managed his life, in the future. He chose to be loving and kind as opposed to bitter and angry for all the terrible times he had gone through. That’s all it is, it’s a choice.
- We blame others. It becomes someone else’s fault. We could or would do amazing things if it wasn’t for the crap job we have or the terrible business, or the kids being too young, or the terrible mother/father/siblings….on and on it goes. Blaming others just keeps us trapped and disempowered, it’s the worst thing we can ever do. We hold the key to getting the life we want and all we have to do is take responsibility for it ourselves. The day you get that message is the day your life will turn around. I didn’t get it until I was well into my fifties, which seems pretty damn late to come to a meaningful realisation like that, but hey it’s better late than never.
- We blame ourselves. Self blame, anger and disappointment with ourselves keeps us stuck in a never ending loop of failure. We may have started off with big dreams which never eventuated and then berate ourselves for being useless. Will that get us where we want to go? NO! If you have made mistakes in the past, it’s the past, we can let that go. Everyone makes mistakes, no-one ever got everything perfectly right, even the seemingly successes among us have stuffed up. We are human, it’s to be expected that we will get it wrong. The important thing is to learn from our failures, the gift is that we always learn more from failures than from wins, so they are in fact necessary for our growth. If we haven’t failed, we probably haven’t let ourselves try. Practise being your own best friend. Think how you would react if your best friend failed, you would be supportive, kind and understanding, so be that for yourself.
Transformation comes from stepping up and taking responsibility for yourself, your own life and how you react to your feelings about the stuff that happens to you. It’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s how you react to it that matters. Start practising that this week and as always, get in touch if you need to talk about any of this. Have a brilliant week.